December 23, 2014 ::

My oh my, It's been awhile since I've made an entry. Let me summarise the things that happened lately in my life. Slowly but surely I'm rebuilding my life again. I finally went out to get my beginners driver license, I enrolled back into school AND hopefully, I will do my best to get my HS diploma and remove this burden of me being a high school drop out. My relationship status is kinda EH, not really in a relationship but I do still hang with my ex-boyfriend. I got a promotion as a manager and transferred to a different store which I love. I'm working full-time, enough to cover my own expenses and I'm going to be a part time student pursuing my career in Medicine. I have my doubts on doing this kind of long tedious process of becoming a doctor but I want to live life with purpose.

Is this forever?

Recently I just moved out of my parents house to go live with my boyfriend. As you know, my family is struggling with their debt. In-order for them to become debt free, their only option is to sell our home. My parents are falling behind on bills due to my dad's job always shutting down every now and then.

It's been almost a week since I've moved in with my boyfriend and I'm sort of starting to regret it. Don't get me wrong. Our relationship is still strong as ever, although we do argue over little things which I believe is normal. The house..  not really the house I want to live in anymore. I have 3 words for you folks; pet hair, mice and flies. I love my boyfriend's dogs to death but Mickie sheds so much you can make 10 other dogs out of his fur. Duke, the little wiener dog pees everywhere like there's no tomorrow. I've been working openings for the past couple of days and when I come home I don't know where I should clean next.. and to be honest I don't want to clean the house anymore. I clean one thing at a time and the next thing its back to its original filthy state. There are mouse droppings ever where. My boyfriend said that they usually come around during fall, and I am mentally and physically preparing myself.

The other day I asked my parents if things don't work out with the house selling, I'm willing to move back and help them financially (co-signing my name).

I've only lived in the house for  less than a week and I already want to move..

My own path

So.. today I told my Dad how I wasn't happy going to school at the moment. I told him I wanted to stop for awhile and help them financially and go back next year. At first he didn't take it well for the first few moments, then he settled down and we spoke in a generous manner. I admit I was heart broken to tell them I didn't want to graduate this year.. for the second time. But I wanted to do what made me happy, and being in school right now isn't doing it. Don't get me wrong.. I do want to go to university.. it just I don't think it the right time for me to start going. There's so many financial problems, and for a girl who hasn't gone to uni yet.. I'm in alot of debt.. more than my boyfriend, sadly to say. I'm so confused with what I want to do for university so I guess this is also giving me the time to think over what I want to do with my life. I just have to tell my mother about whats going on and hopefully, I pray she'll understand even if it'll break her heart to.

I mostly tell everything to my dad first rather than my mom. My dad is sorta easy to talk to but when he get really angry, it can get kinda scary. My mom, my oh my, one word and all hell breaks loose.. then after she's done. But there's a thing with my mom that my dad doesn't do.. is tease me, or bully me. That's why I'm more reluctant to tell my mom, because I know she'll throw every colour of insult at me which will make matters worse and make me feel more like sh*t.

Anyways, I'm going to ask if I can work early today so I don't have to see my mom when she comes home.. Give her some time to let out her steam.

Adulting 2&3/468

Today, I've been setting aside the unmade bed and clutter I still have to clean in the living room and mostly devoted my time towards watching movies on Netflix. Now that I feel squeaky clean from head to toe, I decided to blog more steps in the book, making this a religious thing so I actually end up finishing something for once. 

Step 2: APPRECIATE THOSE WHO DISAGREE WITH STEP 1
I discussed this step in step 1 but I also agree with Kelly that we SHOULD appreciate the people who see the sun that shines out of out a**. I personally don't really show(or find it hard.. since I'm so awkward)my appreciation towards the people that care for me. But in my death bed, I know the people who I'll be thinking of when I see my last light.
I pledge that after my whole "falling behind, no direction in life, slit my wrists everyday" phase goes away (After I pay my debt, graduate from high school, and work at a place I don't despise) I will learn to appreciate the people who remained with my "always angry at the world" a**. Right now, the black clouds still shower on me & showering on the people around me. 

Step 3: DON'T GET HURT WHEN THE WORLD DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU
I feel mutual towards this step.. its not something new to me. Unless I'm the next founder for the cure of some kind of rare disease, or become Bill Gates or just become a gold digger/sl*t and climb my way up the famous ladder where beyonce stands. I am no one insignificant. Obviously my loved ones care about me. To my parents I'm their little bundle of joy, to my boyfriend, I'm his other half, and with my friends I offer my shoulder and ears if they need someone there, or just to give them a laugh of two. Unless I give people a good reason to care about my existence, No one else cares about me. 

I don't really have much to say about these two steps, my apologies. It's Sunday here. Usually Sunday's (mostly everyone's Sunday)  Is clean up, homework day, relax day. I've already loaded one load of laundry so I'm doing pretty good for a start.. Hopefully I can organize my closet today too. 

Adulting 468 Project

Just recently I purchase a book on how to become an adult in 468 easy(ish) steps.. well according to Kelly Williams Brown (Do you have two last names or wha?). Anyways, as a typical undergraduate student with no dollar in her pocket what so ever purchased a copy and hopefully, wishfully, trustingly.. change my horrible habits and view of the world and sadly accept the fact that I can no longer get discounts at restaurants. ALSO, accepting the fact that working a 8 hour shift only equals to 5 hour pay.. (FU TAXES)

From reading the introduction of the book, I felt this sort of odd connection with Kelly..In one page, she wrote down all the things I've felt for the past year. This immediately grab my full attention, and with a poor girl living off pay cheque to pay cheque, I used ny magic debt maker card to purchase a copy of the book. ( I SRSLY NEED HELP) 


After reading ( mostly skimming through the important steps I wanted to know) the entire book in a day, I reflected on my life.. and how much steps I need to go over. As you know, I still live at home with my parents although my boyfriend, whom I've been dating for a year is forcing (not really, just hinting) me to move in with him. I believe living at home would be alot cheaper for me right now because my parents don't expect any money coming in from me BUT DON'T JUDGE ME SO FAST, I do offer them money when they need it.. even if it comes out of my credit card...
I've decided to blog about all the 468 steps in the book; all my thoughts towards it, my experience, and all my to-do/have to-do list. 

So let me just start with Chapter 1: Get Your Mind Right

Step 1: ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL

I think I learned that the hard way through school. As an awkward new girl in grade 6, I didn't really know how to make friends. The way I made friends was.. f*cking stupid if you asked me. I mainly made a fool of my self and tried to make sexual jokes and puns to desperately make everyone laugh.
Throughout junior high I was bullied.. alot. High School wasn't so bad.. still had those vibes that no one liked me. Also the teachers at my school didn't care if I wasn't in class or didn't participate because they probably we're thinking I didn't give one sh*t about my education..which I did.. but I found it hard to focus and participate with all the scars I emotionally and physically had. From dropping out second semester in my senior year to moving to a new school with new teachers who don't really acknowledge my presence when I'm gone for 3-5 days from class with no notice.. I know that I'm not special. It is difficult to accept, and hard to keep myself standing knowing that no one cares.. (except for my family & boyfriend.. maybe some friends). Everyone's out for themselves.. I know that now.. and those who disagree that "we" are not special.. godbless you. 

First Post

My past.
I never really share my thoughts or feelings to anyone except for my boyfriend. I guess he knows the main chunks and minor details or my pathetic life. Sorry, how rude of me. I haven't introduced myself. I'm your typical  in a life crisis over emotion teenager. I don't want to reveal my real name in case my family or school mates find my blog. You can call me Linka. My only purpose here is to send my thoughts into the network of connection we call the internet. Maybe someday when I get older and more mature I'll look back at my entries and see how life was like in my teenager crisis.

.... Lets start with Today. What did I do today? If my story were a novel it there would be a full written page and the rest all blank. I organized my binder for school so I don't have to worry about it next week. I'm very excited and nervous at the same time. Which I know is normal for every other student attending a new school. I hope I can make the best out of it.I'm starting out at a new school. It's my last year and its not going to be easy for me since I don't anyone. Mostly I'm taking science courses this year but phys. ed class is my main worry. I'm not really comfortable with my own body and I tend to sweat more then an average person would. I'm not overweight, I'm just slightly chubby around some areas. I'm working on toning my body more and eat more clean food then fast food. It's actually quite hard when you work at a fast food joint. This past week ive been working out (dancing around, lifting 5lbs) to get myself prepare for the long walks and bus rides to school, work and home. 
I'm gonna end it here because I've ran out of things to say and I have work in 8 hours. Toodles ~